Lost in my Heart
by JojotheObsessedFish
Summary: Read Prologue and find out! xXxJojotheObsessedFishxXx
1. Chapter 1

They tell me things, ask me questions, or just sit by me as if by being there they can help. I'm asked how I feel, and I shrug my shoulders, as if to say I don't know. But I do, and all I feel is blackness. It's like emptiness, only you know nothing will ever fill the space. Your whole world has become lost; colours muted, speech distorted, places and people a blur. The world has lost its brightness, its excitement, and I sit through every day the same way, with no interest at all. I try not to think about it, but all I can think of is the day when the world lost its appeal. I can't help but think of the day. After twenty years, a wonderful partnership and numerous near-death experiences. I had just proposed; she had just accepted. And then my world fell apart.

That was two months ago, and all I can think of is the day I lost Natasha Romanoff.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: This chapter was written by Sandie Brody for me because we decided one chapter each, so the next chapter will be written by me! The story is on both of our accounts so it doesn't matter which one you read it of. The only thing is, there will be a slight delay in putting up chapters written by the other one as we pass files along.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own or claim to own Marvel/Avengers or its characters/storylines.**

I can't believe she is gone...

She is the other half of me...

I will never forgive myself about what happened about 2 months ago...

It was my fault...

I should have protected her more...

I watched as they took her...

Took her away from me...

I wanted to help...

But I couldn't help...

I still have the scars...

I need to help her...

I need to save her...

All that I need to do is to go after her...

I need to...

I need to..

I have to save her...

Nobody can help me now...

This is all up to me now...

All up to me!

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_FLASHBACK:_

_Guns were blazing and explosions rocked the earth. _

_Natasha was running and jumping to avoid them._

_It was the masked men who were attacking them._

_They were after her..._

_"Hawkeye, a little help over here!" She shouted down the comms._

_"I'm I little tied up here give me a moment!" Came the reply._

_Sometimes she didn't know who was backing up who?_

_She ran around a pile of rubble._

_She surveyed the scene, she looked up to the roof of a partly destroyed building._

_Great her partner wasn't there..._

_She stood up and was suddenly grabbed from behind, she thought for a moment it was Clint..._

_But it wasn't, "Don't move or I'll shoot!" Hissed the figure._

_The barrel of the gun pressed against her head..._

_"Walk!" It ordered..._

_She decided to follow, and walked towards a black van..._

_Clint had climbed off the roof and was heading towards the spot where he last saw Natasha..._

_He stood in the middle of all the dust and smoke... He started coughing..._

_He noticed two figures heading for a black van..._

_"Natasha!" He croaked. While in a fit of coughing._

_But they were gone!_

_"NATASHA!" He cried._

_'SWIPE' Pain ran across Clint's back and he turned around, a masked dude had a knife in his head with blood on it!_

_He fought back but the fight ended when the butt of the knife and hit him round the back of his head..._

_S.H.I.E.L.D agents ended the battle and Phil Coulson stood watching the destruction, he walked over to a bruised figure, he gasped quietly as he recognized who it was!_

_'What happened to you, Clint?" He thought..._

So that was what had happened...

He spent only a week recovering but he never recovered from the deep pain in his heart, like he was missing someone important!

Natasha, Natasha, Natasha, Natasha, Natasha, Natasha, Natasha, Natasha, Natasha, Natasha, Natasha,, Natasha, Natasha, Natasha, Natasha, Natasha, Natasha, Natasha...

That is all he can think of...

All he can think of...

**Please R&R!**

**See you next time**

**JojotheObsessedFish**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you very much Sandie Brody, really (not) for that lovely review of YOUR chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own or claim to own Avengers...**

Tasha's POV:

I twiddle with the ring on my finger. It is a thin band of silver, and the only decoration on it is a single emerald, set deeply into the metal. He said that it matches my eyes, and I choke up for a moment as I think of the look in his eyes as he said that to me.

But then I harden, steel myself against the memories, because when I needed him most, he abandoned me. I was kidnapped, and he didn't come for me.

That was two months ago, and still he hasn't come for me.

I thought he cared for me, but he doesn't.

I hate him.

I hate him so much that yesterday I put myself through H.Y.D.R.A.'s recruitment tests, just to spite him.

They took me from him, but he didn't - no, doesn't care about me. Maybe he'll realise how much he hurt me, and how I feel now.

I wonder if I should throw the ring away, but I keep it to remind him of the promises he broke.

To always love me.

To look after me.

To care for me.

To help me when I need him.

To always find me when I'm lost.

A sudden noise by the door startles me, and I look up to see a piece of paper fluttering to the floor. I pick it up, and read the words. It says:

_Natasha Romanoff, you passed your recruitment examination._

_Your first mission is on the reverse of the sheet._

Excited, I turn it over. I feel elated at having passed, I am now in a position to strike back at the heart of S.H.I.E.L.D. My heart races as I read my first mission.

_KILL THE AVENGERS._

_ONE BY ONE._

**_I hope you like it, now over to Sandie Brody for the next chapter!_**

**_See you next time,_**

**_JojotheObsessedFish_**


	4. Chapter 4

**This chapter was written by Sandie Brody.**

**Disclaimer: Neither of us own Avengers (unfortunately!)**

Clint's P.O.V:

I was walking down the middle of Manhattan...

It was rush hour...

I had my hood up, no-one noticed who I was...

Never At The Arm She Held Aim

That was all that was rushing through my head...

I knew she was in trouble...

I looked up and saw Avengers Tower...

I looked in front of me and couldn't see...

Everyone was in my way...

I ran...

I ran as fast as I could...

I could feel someone watching me, someone following me...

I turned to look, my hood fell down and my blue eye shone out at everyone...

Damn now they realize who I am...

I carried on running...

I couldn't stop...

People were recognizing who I was...

My heart was pounding so much...

I reached to end of the path but I couldn't stop...

Cars raced past me in a blur...

I turned around and saw the follower behind me...

I took a step back and...

* * *

The cars flashed in front of me and behind me...

I turned to the left quickly and then quickly twisted my head to the right...

All I could hear were engine's and all I could see were exhaust fumes...

People on the sidewalks were watching anxiously...

I was standing in the middle of one of the busiest road in New York...

I kept turning and turning...

I heard a voice...

"Я здесь, чтобы убить тебя!" (Translation: I'm here to kill you!)

A flash of sliver and my eyes were filled red... A red lorry, I dodged!

My arm was painfully sore... A knife?

"Ваша умру, прямо здесь, прямо сейчас!" (Translation: Your going to die, right here, right now!)

I looked up...

A flame of red hair...

"Ты, сука!" (Translation: You bitch!)

**Next chapter soon.**

**See you next time**

**JojotheObsessedFish**


	5. Chapter 5

**This chapter written by me!**

**I'm really sorry, but no Russian translations for you, because I can only translate into Dutch and German.**

**Oh, and thanks to SANDIE BRODY for putting up with my slow writing.**

**Disclaimer: Same old, same old...**

Tasha's P.O.V.

_2 months ago_

I wake up, confused and dizzy. _Where am I?_ my mind screams, as I process my surroundings. I am in a dark room, with plain red walls and a lone camera pointing at me from the corner.

My mind races, _Could Red Room have captured me? If not, then why are the walls all red?_

And then my heart stops, as one though obliterates all the others I have.

_Where is Clint?_

* * *

Clint's P.O.V.

_2 months ago_

My mind is blurry, and all I can think about is _Where in the name of God am I?_

As my eyes focus, I see that once again, I am in S.H.I.E.L.D. medical.

I groan inwardly. _For the love of..._

Suddenly, a new thought pushes its way into my head. _Where's Tasha? She's always here when I am, always. No exceptions. So, where is she?_

"Where is Agent Romanoff?" I ask out loud, knowing that at least one of S.H.I.E.L.D.'s many doctors will be watching me.

The door opens, and in walks Fury. I have to have done something seriously wrong for that look of pure anger that is on his face.

However, when he sees me looking at him, his face morphs into an unreadable expression, sympathy maybe.

"Agent Barton."

"Sir."

The conversation is hesitant, neither of us wanting to say what I want to - no, NEED to know.

"How are you doing?"

"Fine, sir. Just give me clothes and my bow, and I'll be gone, Tasha - sorry, Agent Romanoff at my side..." I trail of as a look of deep regret crosses Fury's scarred face.

"What?" I demand as he just stares at me.

"Clint..." The use of my name freezes me. "Agent Romanoff was captured by an unknown party during your mission. As I understand it, you were too busy looking after yourself to look out for her!"

My heart gave up. I blacked out, and the next thing I know I am being wheeled away into intensive care.

* * *

Tasha's P.O.V.

_1 month, 3 weeks and 6 days ago_

I have been here now for 4 days, and every day I am merely left alone. And all I can do is think of Clint.

He proposed to me just before the mission, and I accepted. Now, I have a thin band of silver with a single emerald set deep into the metal on my finger.

And I hate it.

I hate it so much.

I hate it because it is a reminder that I let my guard down, but for the right reasons.

I sit down, with my back against the wall, and I pray to myself that he will come.

He has to.

No doubt about it.

He has to come!

He made me so many promises.

To always love me.

To look after me.

To care for me.

To help me when I need him.

To always find me when I'm lost.

And this last one sticks in my mind, as I wait for Clint Barton to find me.

**Sandie Brody next!**

**JojotheObsessedFish**


	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry, JojotheObsessedFish here...**

**Sandie Brody will hate me, but I felt this couldn't wait for her next chapter.**

**Disclaimer: You know the story...**

I sit here, all alone. No one talks to me, and no one sits by me to keep me company. No one cares about how I feel, so I don't say anything. But all I feel is distrust. It's like hatred, only hating the only one you have ever loved. Your world is thrown into brighter light, everything is clearer, sharper, and you see and hear all. The world becomes more dangerous, and I love it. I hate him, but he had proposed, and I had accepted his promise. That came after twenty years, a wonderful partnership and numerous near-death experiences. But then my world became just that little bit brighter, fulll of adventure and danger.

He abandoned me two months ago, and all I can think of is how I hate Clint Barton.

**Definitely Sandie Brody next!**

**Till next time,**

**JojotheObsessedFish**


	7. Chapter 7

**Sadnie Brody's chapter here.**

Clint's P.O.V:

I woke up...

Nobody was about...

The machine next to me bleeped... I pulled out the wires attached to me and the machine went into flat-line...

The room was white... It was almost blinding!

I was tired but couldn't sleep anymore... I blinked...

My vision was blurred, what good was a hawk with not very good senses...

I sat up...

My head hurt...

I didn't know what was wrong with me but I didn't care!

I grabbed my clothes on the chair and looked around... No-one came.

I slotted my compacted bow on my back and loaded my arrows on my thigh before I wrapped myself in my hoodie!

Pathetic hospital!

Don't they know a Hawkeye's best friend is an air vent!

I jumped up and grabbed the edge of the vent and swung myself in it!

20 minutes later I was out of that horrible building, I looked back and smiled...

I was free!

Now where would these spider-nappers be?

I pulled out my Stark-Pad I nicked and while walking down the street I searched for something, anything...

Anything...

Bingo! Straight away, I barely had to look it was all over the news, someone had recorded the attack from where Tasha was taken... The van had a licence plate! I tracked it down! The van was in Las Vegas! That's where I'm going!

**3 Days Later:**

The busy lights and atmosphere was blinding! The noise was so loud I couldn't think!

I was determined to find her though...

I was so close, I could sense her!

So close!

I knew where she was!

I was so pleased!

I carried on walking through Vegas and came to the end of the houses...

The desert was long and tiring, I was in the outskirt of Vegas looking straight at it!

In the distance my hawk vision picked out a building...

I immediately started to walk...

The building came closer...

I began to run... Run... RUN!

I was standing right in front of the building!

It was huge... I looked up and...

CRACK! WHOOSH! SNAP!

I was yanked up the building!

God Damn It they were expecting me!

I was ambushed!

**Until next time**

**JojotheObsessedFish**


	8. Chapter 8

**Sandie Brody again. Basically she did not ask me but just decided to do two chapters anyway.**

Clint's P.O.V:

I am trapped in a net...

I am a stupid bird to fall in such a simple trap, I look down!

I am suspended three floors and upside down!

It's a long way, I can't fall else I'll die!

I look up...

A man...

" Вы получаете то, что заслуживаете, Паук остается с нами!" He growled. (Translation: You get what you deserve, the Spider stays with us!)

'Ha!' I thought and slid one of my arrows out of my thigh quiver and threw it as hard as I could, it hit the man square in the middle of the head, 'Bad mistake sticking your head over the edge and leaving yourself vulnerable like that!' I smirked sarcastically.

By grabbing my knife concealed under my quiver attached to my thigh, I then quickly cut away some of the rope and reached up to the long string of rope that held me up, and slowly climbed up to the top of the building!

What a view of the desert but I could stay, I had to find Tasha!

I found the door leading from the roof into the building...

I quietly snuck in and surveyed the corridor in front of me...

Nothing...

Nothing at all...

I listened...

"Отпусти меня сволочи разве вы не знаете, кто я?" Came a quiet and weak voice. (Translation: Let me go you bastards don't you know who I am?)

TASHA!

I didn't care who saw me, I ran for my life! TASHA

TASHA TASHA TASHA.

'BANG' I burst threw the door and...

**Is it Tasha? Or not? Please review and tell me your ideas!**

**Me next!**

**JojotheObsessedFish**


	9. Chapter 9

**Me here. And Sandie Brody did NOT ask, just put up two chapters anyway.**

Tasha's P.O.V.

I stand upright as Clint bursts into the room, head turning wildly as he searches for me. When he sees me, unharmed, his face relaxes, and I can't help but laugh at the look of relief on his face.

"Tasha?"

I can hear the uncertainty in his voice as he tries to determine if I'm real or not.

"Yes."

His response is to come over and envelope me in his arms. For a moment, I almost forget that he betrayed me; that he left me to die... But then it all comes crashing back to me, and I remember the two months I spent hoping for him to come and free me. I tense, and pull away from his embrace.

"Tasha..."

I turn my head away from his face.

"Tasha, what happened?"

I look him in the eye, and see the concern in his eyes. I have to remind myself that it all fake; a lie.

"Tasha! Talk to me, please!" He begs, and I turn away from him, realising too late that my tattoo will be completely exposed to him.

It is very large, covering almost all of my upper back. A large blue circle; edged in black, and a large red H in the centre. Underneath that are the letters HYDRA; spelt out in thick, blood red letters centred on my back.

I hear Clint gasp as he takes in the depth to which I have "betrayed" him.

"Tasha, what the fuck is wrong with you? Why would you do th...?"

He is angry, I can hear that in his tone as he yells at me, but he trails off as I turn around, anger blazing in my eyes, and fear crosses his face.

"You." I hiss.

I can see the reaction – shock maybe- cross over his face, an expression that always made me so angry when he can't understand me or what I'm trying to say.

"You are the reason I am doing this."

I pause, just to see the confusion cross over his face once more, then I continue.

"Know that you will never be safe. Always look over your shoulder, just to see if I'm there. And know that one day I will kill you."

With that, I turn and leave, but as I do so, I hear the click of Clint's phone, making a documentation of the tattoo on my back.

Steve's P.O.V.

We find him exactly where Stark said he was, in a plain room, all alone. And the look on his face was of pure horror.

"What is it?" I ask, truly concerned.

"She's not dead..." Clint manages to choke out.

We all freeze; that is most definitely not what we were expecting.

"So where is she?" Stark asks, bold as ever.

Clint shakes his head, unable to formulate words. Instead, he beckons us over to look at his phone screen.

"Oh no..." I breathe.

It is a photo of a HYDRA initiation tattoo, and above it, clearly visible, is the back of Tasha's head.

**Lovely job, if I do say so myself. Sandie Brody designed the tattoo, so blame her if you do not like it!**

**Thankyou.**

**Until next time,**

**JojotheObsessedFish**


	10. Chapter 10

**Sandie's chapter for you...**

Clint's P.O.V:

When I saw that tattoo I almost freak out...

'How could she do this to me' I thought.

Weeks later:

I was in my room.

I couldn't face anyone, not yet

Tasha... my Tasha has left, me!

I was in my apartment in the tower and cuddled into a tight ball.

I tried to stop the tears from coming but...

Every now and again someone would knock on the door... but I ignored them.

I can't tell you how long I've have been here but it must have been a while as my hunger had come and gone ages ago.

My throat was dry and felt like sandpaper.

My eye's were red and I was beginning to lose my sight as it was becoming blurring...

I just stayed where I was for what felt like an eternity...

'BANG, BANG BANG'

"Go...Go Away!" I manged to croak.

My head was hurting so much...

"Clint, you have to come out sometime... " Came a voice... I figured it Pepper because of her sweet tone.

I thumped my arm against my wall in a threatening manner before pulling my legs closer to my chest.

"Clint if you don't come out right NOW I will come and get you personally!" Came Tony's voice sounding annoyed.

I sighed before trying to stand up 'Tash' but I was a little wobbly and grabbed to edge of my bed.

I took one step after another but half-way there I was struck with a wave of dizziness 'Tasha'!

My head was throbbing and I went down on my knees, the room was spinning and I looked at the door 'Nat' before whispering "I'm Sorry!" And everything when Black.

I felt my head hit the floor but my mind stayed awake and the name Natasha was rolling about in my head for ages and ages.

Natasha's P.O.V:

"Oh Clint!"

**She's right, you know...**

**Definitely Tasha!**

**ME NOW!**

**Till next time,**

**JojotheObsessedFish**


	11. Chapter 11

**My chapter now!**

It's been 5 weeks since I saw him last, and I have nearly forgotten the look of pure pain on his face as I left. I wondered, for a day or two, if he actually still cared, but then I realised he can't have, otherwise I would never have been here.

Yesterday, though, I saw Stark, and now he'll be running back to his _precious _Pepper.

_Flashback_

_"in position, Fury." Tony Stark, aka Iron Man, checked in with his fearless leader, just in case Fury got trigger-happy again. That suit still had bullets lodged in the... Never mind, he thought._

_"Roger that, Stark. Where's Barton?" Fury enquired, the tiniest hint of worry on his face._

_"Around."_

_Vague, maybe, but that was Stark all over._

_"Get it done."_

_Short and snappy._

_"Okay."_

_Tony flew across to the supposedly "safe" house that was his target. He crept inside, removing his helmet, and was gearing up to blast the place to shreds when suddenly a sharp, red-handled knife embedded itself in his suit, just above his heart._

_"What the fuck?" echoed around the room as suddenly dozens of knives penetrated his suit._

_The distinct sound of gunfire penetrated the otherwise still air, and when it vanished, his suit was in shreds._

_Tony opened his eyes slowly, and saw a certain red-haired assassin standing before him._

_She levelled her gun at his face, and fired. But before the bullet could hit him, Tony had grabbed his helmet and flown out._

_"Fury?"_

_"Yes."_

_Fury's deep voice came back online. "Why isn't it gone?"_

_"Romanoff was there. Why the hell was I not informed it was a HYDRA safe house?"_

_Fury paused a moment._

_"Because I was unaware."_

_End of Flashback_

I'll get him next time...

For now, let's focus on Thor...

* * *

Steve's POV

Clint's not talking to us. I guess he has a lot on his mind, what with Tasha betraying him.

And, for once, Tony was quiet today. He stuck around with Pepper all day.

I asked him what was up, and all he would say is "The bitch ruined my suited."

He went on a mission yesterday, and I find myself wondering what happened.

Maybe...

No, it can't be.

Can it?

Could it have been Natasha?

**I'm an evil bitch, and I will give anyone who reviews virtual christmas presents. At Christmas, obviously. **

**Btw, the dark side do have cookies. Any particular flavour? I'll put up a poll, so you can tell me ur fav. flavour!**

**Love you all**

**JojotheObsessedFish**


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